Holding space for emotional growth in a data-driven society
By Rev. George Doebler
Appeared in Cityview Magazine, Vol. 42, Issue 2 (March/April 2026)
Over the years, I have gathered a number of quotes that I tend to go back to time and time again—words that keep me thinking about who I am and how I live. Many come from the writings and presentations of Dr. Murray Bowen and Rabbi Edwin Friedman. You’ve likely heard me mention them here before. Dr. Bowen was a psychiatrist and professor, known for developing the Family Systems Theory and describing families as emotional units. Rabbi Friedman, a student of Bowen’s, became a pioneer in family therapy. Years ago, when I was Chief of Chaplains for the Tennessee Department of Mental Health, I brought them both here to speak. Their words were too important not to share.
I recall Friedman saying,
“More learning will not on its own automatically change the way people see things or think. It must be an emotional shift.”
This spoke to me. Simply attending a class or conference—gathering data and information—will not change the way we think or live. The real work happens when we use that information to challenge our thinking.
Later Friedman went on to say that, “For a system—family, institution, political sphere, society—to change, it must produce leaders that have a sense of adventure—and the nerve and stamina to follow through in the face of predictable resistance and sabotage.” When we take in information and begin that emotional shift, when we truly begin changing, we are often met with self-sabotage. The difficulty for each of us is being open enough to recognize when we get stuck.
This is most clear to me when I find myself differing with Nancy, my wife of 60 years. When I differ, I retreat into my usual system and I cut off from hers. Why do I do that? I ask myself. I see the door open to new information. I acknowledge it, but I’m often unable to walk through it. Why is that?
Dr. Bowen—who was a University of Tennessee grad—talked a lot about this concept. “Chronic anxiety characterizes our emotional processes so deeply,” he said, “that our thoughts (and our leaders) focus on safety and certainty, rather than adventure and boldness. When we are anxious, we seek quick answers so we can feel better.”
Emotional issues in our culture have been developing for a long time. Dr. Bowen theorized that we were entering a period of societal regression, where anxiety runs rampant. It would require an emotional shift that would take time and work to get us back on track. A quick fix could not change us.
And the reality is there are no quick fixes to emotional problems. Our culture values data more than maturity, believing that if we know enough we can fix anything. But it’s a belief, I fear, that dooms us to feel inadequate. By believing this, we do not see the emotional process we are in.
So what does this all mean? How do I stay calm and less reactive in an anxious culture where data is king? Somehow, just stopping to recognize our feelings will be a start. It will help us see the problem is not “out there,” but within ourselves. And then maybe, just maybe, we can then talk about it and begin moving forward.
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