The Knoxonomist


Recently I heard Representative Burchett got into an altercation with former Speaker McCarthy, claiming that McCarthy elbowed him in the kidney. Frankly I’m offended by the way our representative handled this, what are your thoughts?
-Concerned Constituent

Well, the Knoxonomist doesn’t usually watch the avalanche of fake news put on by television networks. But in this case, the Knoxonomist was intrigued by Little Timmy’s scrap in the congressional playground. Make no mistake, the Knoxonomist is a firm believer that sometimes a little pugilism is the best way to settle a disagreement. The Knoxonomist knows what it was like to have been bullied, and knows what it was like to have a friend come to the rescue. The Knoxonomist has fond memories of his own early years, slugging it out with the neighborhood kids over the important things: stolen $5 lawn-mowing gigs, who was the best bicycle rider, and of course the black haired raven Betty Long. 

As the Knoxonomist ponders Representative Burchett’s latest exploits, the Knoxonomist is reminded of Knoxville’s legendary Cas Walker, who figured the best way to get J.S. Cooper to stop calling him Stalin in the council room was a solid right cross. That earned Knoxville a place in Life magazine, and it gives the Knoxonomist a warm, fuzzy feeling that another Knoxville politician found the time to get his beloved hometown into the national limelight.

In fact, the Knoxonomist knows that history is ripe with scraps like these. It seems to the Knoxonomist that Congress was far more interesting back in the 1800s, when representatives sometimes beat each other with canes on the Senate floor to make their point. In the Knoxonomist’s view, there is a proud American tradition of settling congressional disputes in this manner. The Knoxonomist was once forced to attend the musical Hamilton, and to his delight, he discovered that even Vice Presidents can see the merit in a good, honest duel.

Now, the Knoxonomist is not suggesting that Representative Burchett and Speaker McCarthy face off in a duel. There are, as the Knoxonomist has come to understand, laws against that. Gone are the days where a man could legally resolve a disagreement like gentlemen. In this day and age, from the evidence the Knoxonomist has found online, the equivalent of a gunshot wound is now simply to be offended. The Knoxonomist can’t seem to cross the street without offending somebody these days, so the Knoxonomist supposes that makes him one of Knoxville’s most prolific 21st-century duelists.

As to your comment about being offended, the Knoxonomist thinks that instead you should be proud that our congressman took McCarthy to task.  Some seem to think this whole situation is beneath the dignity of Congress, but the Knoxonomist disagrees. Representative Burchett is in fact living up to the high standard set by his predecessors, and that’s something we as Tennesseans should look for in our congressmen. Who better to fight for a community’s interests than a man who is willing to actually fight for them? The Knoxonomist wonders.

Honestly, in the Knoxonomist’s view, it’s the good folks of Bakersfield, California that ought to be offended that Speaker McCarthy didn’t make a better showing.

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