The Knoxonomist

Spring is almost here, and we need to purchase a lawnmower for our new home. My husband wants an expensive 48-inch zero-turn ride-on mower for our tiny half-acre lot. I think he should get a push-mower for some exercise instead. How can I…
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Recently I heard Representative Burchett got into an altercation with former Speaker McCarthy, claiming that McCarthy elbowed him in the kidney. Frankly I'm offended by the way our representative handled this, what are your thoughts? …
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“Dear Knoxonomist, My neighbor is threatening to sue me saying she slipped and fell after stepping in dog poo she believes to be from my dog. What should I do?” — Roger Dear Roger, The Knoxonomist is exceptionally fond of his canine…
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“Seems like no matter where I am or what I am doing, I am never really alone. Is it true that my conversations are being monitored? Every comment I make seems to reappear as an ad on my personal device. Is there any way to avoid this…
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I just caught my 14-year-old son playing Minecraft while an animated GIF of himself attended his remote class! He’s losing interest, not turning in his assignments, and quite honestly, I’ve tried everything. What’s next, boarding school? …
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"I’m the parent of a 6-year-old who’s worried whether Santa Claus will be able to deliver toys on Christmas Eve. What would you suggest I tell him?" -- Holly Dear Holly, The Knoxonomist knows Santa will be up against some tough odds…
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My wife’s brother recently took me snipe hunting on a camping trip. I was unable to catch one and need advice. I am from New England and want to be accepted by my new family here in the South, but was confused at having to wear a blindfold…
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Dear Dennis, The Knoxonomist can relate to your fear of the legal system. To the outsider the system certainly seems rigged in favor of the lawyers, and without one you are most certainly, well, going to learn a lesson the hard way. So,…
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“I feel like the pandemic has changed my social life forever. Do you think we’ll ever get back to normal?”—Paul Dear Paul, The Knoxonomist recommends you stop whining about what was and find way to enjoy what is. Porchin’ at sunset,…
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Dear Knoxonomist: How do I discover my true purpose? My wife’s therapist(s) have assured her that once I do, she will have the perfect husband. I’m trying to figure out what she really wants? —Ivan Dear Ivan— The Knoxonomist wonders who…
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