The Knoxonomist

Dear Knoxonomist: How do I discover my true purpose? My wife’s therapist(s) have assured her that once I do, she will have the perfect husband. I’m trying to figure out what she really wants? —Ivan Dear Ivan— The Knoxonomist wonders who…
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Dear Knoxonomist: Curious minds want to know. What are your New Year’s Resolutions? —Kathy from Karns Dear Kathy, In general, the Knoxonomist approves of New Year’s Resolutions. His study of humanity, mainly from a barstool at…
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Dear Knoxonomist:Every Christmas our kids, grandkids, and their dogs arrive at our house for what always turns out to be a full-fledged bacchanalia. The grandkids shake the walls with their rough housing and yelling, the parents drink too…
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Dear Knoxonomist: What’s the deal with the new ban against using cell phones while driving? I understand distracted driving is an issue, but why single out cell phones? If we’re going to outlaw driving distractions, why not outlaw…
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Dear Knoxonomist: My brother, wife, and kids are planning a beach trip. I think they asked me primarily because I have an SUV to haul a bunch of useless junk they don’t need–inflatable animals, beach chairs, bicycles, coolers, and…
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Dear Stefan, Dear Knoxonomist:I'm thinking of subscribing to one of those services that send you the recipes and ingredients to make home-cooked meals. I’m a sophisticated cook with quality cooking utensils, and I know my way around…
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Dear Knoxonomist: The other day, my 12-year-old daughter pretended to be sick to avoid school. She’s a good kid so I took her at her word and let her stay home. That night I overheard her on the phone telling a friend that she had…
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Dear Knoxonomist:During the holiday season I had guests who didn’t know when to pack up and head out. I deliberately clogged up a toilet. That worked—my brother, his wife, their four kids, and their three little rat-dogs cleared out. Any…
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Dear Knoxonomist: On Facebook, many of my friends make very emotionally manipulative posts. “If you are truly my friend,” they say, “you’ll share my post.” Frankly, I find this tactic an eye-rollingly pathetic plea for attention. How…
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Dear Knoxonomist: My auto mechanic recently said he thinks the Earth is flat. I was gobsmacked. What do you say to a flat earther? —Roger, Farragut Dear Rational Roger: Gobsmacked! The Knoxonomist has been flabbergasted, astounded,…
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